Gourd's Laws, Part 1

I've decided to compile a set of usage laws that apply in the business of Federal Government contract acquisitions. These apply to generation of text for both Requests for [Proposals, Quotations, Information, what have you] and the [proposals etc.] that would-be contractors submit in response to said requests.

Today I present the first law (that occurred to me; its primacy does not necessarily signify its importance relative to forthcoming laws):

Any document-initial statement of purpose, problem, or intent, in either a Government-issued request or a contractor-supplied response, must include (preferably in its second paragraph) a reference to "meeting these challenges," regardless of the immediately preceding text.

A few modest examples:

Kellogg, Brown, and Root has scored exponentially under President Bush in the warfighting racket, realizing obscene profits as never before under previous administrations. KBR is rolling in filthy lucre and can foresee no change of derailment of the gravy train.

To meet these challenges, KRB is requesting...

Ok, this one's real:

... The NETCENTS2 Services contract will be a companion contract to the other two contracts in providing users total network-centric IT solutions.

The NETCENTS2 Services contract is designed to meet these challenges...

Also real, at least until I edited the following text:

... Navy professionals have paved the way into the future with resourcefulness, inventiveness, originality of ideas, and meticulously planned initiatives.

To meet these challenges, the MPT&E organization...

I swear, it's just automatic. It's a law; people learn it by repetition and after a while it just doesn't matter what the frig you put in the first 'graph: the second talks about meeting these challenges.

A Simple, Desultory Fich-dich

[I have edited the instructional text. This is not a meme; it is a mutating virus.]
1. In response to this post, leave me a casual comment of no particular significance—like a lyric to your current favorite song, or your favorite kind of sandwich, or what kind of day you're having, or whom you love versus who's on your shitlist. Any remark, irrespective of import.
2. I will respond by asking you five personal questions (Three personal questions!) three personal questions so I can pretend to get to know you better.
3. Update your LJ with the questions I ask you and your answers.
4. Include this explanation (with your own editorial changes if for some bizarre reason you find it imperfect) and offer to pose five questions (Three questions!) three questions to those who send you a desultory comment.
5. When others respond with a desultory comment, you will ask them five questions (Three questions!) three questions [or ve vill shootz you!].

Comment: Flanders & Swann ROCK. Well, not really, but they sort of cavort.

Questions from peregrin8:

1. Who?
Contemporaneous with Tom Lehrer but gaining initial notoriety in their native Britain in 1956, Michael Flanders (trained as an actor) and Donald Swann (a composer-philologist... ah, could there be a nicer hyphenated avocation?) wrote a whole lot of silly songs in the 1950s and 1960s. See Wikipedia or here. I just bought a used copy of The Complete Flanders and Swann (comprising their three major record releases, with all the littler stuff they did included as extras). The first number of theirs I ever heard was "The Reluctant Cannibal" (which, like many of their pieces, is part song/part sketch) on The Dr. Demento Show, circa 1982.

2. What year was that adorable icon picture taken, and in what circumstances?
Circa 1982. I was thinking Flock of Seagulls at the time, but now I think it's more Stray Cats. This was probably one of the first times I messed with my hair as a fashion statement... as a kid I had done so seldom if ever.

3. How often do you exercise/work out, and what is your routine if any?
Seldom if ever. Whenever there's a bus pulling out without me. If there's some kind of workout that involves no actual physical effort, I'd be happy to do it.

4. Will you feed Max this weekend?
I'd be happy to do it. BTW, did you know he appears not to have made it into the planter box on the bottom shelf of that steel unit on the back deck? As of yesterday afternoon, I noticed, right next to that planter, a pile of cat shit.

5. What is your favorite candy?
Uh oh.