Sonnet from the Pulpit de Guise

Hand me a pope, I need to wipe my ass.
No, wait, I got it: here’s Bill Donohue.
You all know Bill, right? Soldier of the crass;
defender of the rights of priests to do
unto young boys as they'd have dong to them;
and slavering, rabid pitbull for the poor,
downtrodden, helpless Church? Does he contemn
the contumelious cretins at his door
who blame “the gays” for raping altar boys
and not the systematic apathy,
the cardinal right of cardinals to their toys?
Not Bill. At least, not when he talked to me:
I went to speak of matters doctrinaire...
but left with something sticky in my hair.