(no subject)

I am the resurrection and the life,
Or so they tell me. I turn straw to gold
And water into wine; likewise, all strife
I strew, and strayward lambs bring to the fold.
I am trustworthy, loyal, helpful, kind,
Obedient, friendly, courteous, thrifty, cheerful,
Brave, clean, and reverent. Of soundest mind
And body am I. One could spout an earful
Of glorious superlatives enqueued
And feats miraculous, which, nonetheless,
Have been substantiated, peer-reviewed,
And published in the scientific press.
And if you order now without delay,
I'll cure your gout. Now how much would you pay?