Helms in hell.

It's only when truly evil people die that I wish I could still believe in an afterlife. According to the lore I grew up on, Jesse Helms would show up in some kind of heavenly courtroom where Yahoo! and his son Jeebus would be presiding over the entrance exam, which consists of looking up the applicant's name in the Lamb's Book of Life. I'd love to be there with a camera when Jeebus told Jesse his name was nowhere to be found.

(Then again, a similar asshole nearly two millennia ago insisted that salvation was by Jeebus's grace alone and had nothing to do with one's earthly deeds—so technically, Jesse could be in a fucking heavenly penthouse by now.)

So now there's all this talk about hatred and polarization and stuff. moroccomole posted links to this level-headed obituary and this far more bitter one. In response to the latter, I started reading comments: a certain (sorry, make that 'cretin') Rusty Shackleford (how appropriately named) lists out a point-by-point renunciation of everything for which Ken Layne takes dead-Jesse to task. Obviously I view his points with some skepticism, but just how awful and deadly this man is in praise of his awful, deadly hero becomes apparent in stages:

1. '"Negro Hoodlums"-how awful, being against hoodlums, regardless of their race. In 1963 he wrote in the NY Times- "Crime rates and irresponsibility among Negroes are a fact of life which must be faced". Helms had the guts to speak the truth. Little did he know just how right he was.'

Huh? So... you're saying Jesse Helms WAS spouting racist garbage on the off-chance that he might be right about it, but he certainly wasn't sure.

2. 'Those people you speak of that were dragged to America in chains were sold to America by Negroes.'

Ah, I see. That makes it so much more acceptable. 'Hey, the black people over there told us we could own these black people over here! Not our bad!'

3. 'With the violent crime that is rampant in the inner-cities of this country- areas with high black populations- you'll pardon me if I don't shed any tears for them.'

That's monumentally presumptuous of you, asshole. I will not pardon you. Neither will Jeebus.

4. 'No country on earth has done more for it's minority citizens than the United States. This country has done everything for Negroes except wipe their butts for them. We look the other way and tolerate their violent, anti-social culture. We pass legislation giving them all sorts of perks based solely on the color of their damn skin. I think I speak for approx. 250 million white people when I say I'm damn sick of it.'

Um.

5. 'Go hug a tree, you bleeding-heart socialist faggot.'

Yes. That's the sentiment that makes this the best country in the world.

Happy Independence Day Weekend, folks! No more kings! (Somebody should inform Mr. Mugabe.)